Backstabbing At Work

I originally posted this article on another website and the response to it has led me to write a book on backstabbing/betrayal in the workplace. Watch this site for more details about the book and how you can contribute your story, if you have one, about how you were betrayed in the work place.

While I discuss office politics in this article, I find the term derogatory and prefer to think of the interpersonal interactions between people in the workplace as just that, interpersonal interactions. This helps me avoid ascribing negative connotations often associated with politics to those interactions we all experience in the workplace.

Office Politics – The Age Old Art of Backstabbing

The O’Jays warned us in their song “The Backstabbers,” they sang, “beware the backstabbers they smile in your face, and all the while they want to be in your place.” Obviously, they or a member of their group had experienced the devastating effects of backstabbing and felt strongly enough about the experience to write and sing about it. Backstabbing or betrayal has been with us since biblical times, at least, and is particularly well documented in Judas’s betrayal of Jesus. Judas learned his lesson and paid a heavy price for his indiscretion. Jesus’ words indicate the magnitude of this sin and suggest that Judas may still be paying for his betrayal, for He said, “it would be better for that man if he had never been born.”

Jesus forgave Judas and in so doing gave us the example of the type of forgiveness we are to have also. In addition, He demonstrated the anguish associated with the sting of betrayal. The lesson is the victim forgives and the backstabber carries the pain. Both parties move on with their lives and careers, but the damage to both is done and very often cannot be undone.

Having been the unwitting victim of backstabbing, I have made an effort to study this phenomenon and the role it plays in undoing managers and other executives. Most individuals who have lost jobs, been passed over for promotion, had their reputations sullied, or who have just been hurt in the workplace as a result of back stabbing were shocked, as I was, to find out that the betrayer was a personal friend and confidant. Further, the anecdotal information I have collected in my research suggests that many of the job actions taken against the victims would not have occurred if they had not been betrayed.

That is to say that even though, some of these individuals had committed political blunders in their work environment, they would not have led to their undoing without the aid of a Judas working behind the scenes. Similar to Julius Caesar’s fate, they were murdered; they did not commit suicide and would have survived their minor blunders had they not been stabbed repeatedly.

It is difficult to identify all the motivators that encourage someone to become a backstabber. Perpetrator profiles are numerous and varied. Sometimes they are motivated out of ambition; sometimes they believe their tattling about information shared with them in private will somehow benefit the victim if made known to supervisors. Some perpetrators are hungry for power and some are hurt or jealous. Whatever the motivators, there is never a good reason and ultimately the perpetrator and the victim both suffer.

So other than admonishing those would be backstabbers against the horrors of this truly ugly work place sin and the ravages it causes for all those involved, the question is what can be done to eliminate this workplace crime. Each individual in a work setting must guard against being on either or both sides of betrayal. That is we must consciously avoid being betrayed or a betrayer.

Neither of these are necessarily easy. Our desire for friendship and our felt need to vent often put us in the position of wanting to share information best kept to ourselves. Additionally our selfish desires for power, getting even, teaching people a lesson, wanting things our own way and on and on lead us toward indiscretion. So first of all we must learn to be friendly in the workplace and set boundaries. Not everything needs to be shared and a great deal should not be. In one of his Psalms, David said, “Set a guard O Lord, before my mouth, keep watch at the door of my lips.” It would be good for all those that wish to avoid being betrayed to make this our continual prayer. Similarly, it is good to edit what we have to say.

It may not be comfortable to question ourselves regarding every word that comes out of our mouths but it is important to ask questions like: Do I want everyone to know this about me? How might my supervisor view this? Could someone use this against me? Is sharing this going to have a positive impact on my reputation? Is this really something people should know? If we learn to edit what we say and we keep our personal lives personal we help eliminate one side of the betrayal paradigm.

All of us must also come against those temptations we have to be the betrayer. We must realize that there is no such thing as harmless gossip and everything we pass on can come to hurt us as well as the person we are talking about. Unless a person is just plain evil and delights in hurting himself and others, thinking about what damage could be done by spreading rumors and betraying confidences should be enough to curb this type of behavior. While some to the sayings may be trite, it is good to remember that what goes around comes around. In my limited research, I did find several instances where efforts made by subordinates to intentionally unseat superiors backfired and resulted in their own terminations. So if you are not one of those individuals motivated by doing the right thing remember the fate of those who played the Judas role and Judas’s own remorse that caused him to hang himself.

Office politics may always be with us, but life can be better for all of us if we work at limiting our conversations both in what we share about ourselves and what we share about others. Information shared in confidence should be kept in confidence and if you are about to tell someone something you have to preface with, “don’t tell anyone, but”…stop. If someone prefaces what he or she is going to tell you with, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this but,” tell him or her, “then don’t tell me.” If someone starts complaining to you about a coworker to you, tell him or her to stop until you have a chance to invite the coworker in so he or she can provide his or her side of the story. It may not be easy or comfortable at first, but you will find that you don’t get drug into situations you don’t want to be in. Ultimately you will gain the respect of your coworkers. Truly the work life you save could be your own.