Feeling versus Thinking

As a writer, I am continually striving to find the exact words to precisely convey what I am thinking and feeling. As a marriage and family therapist I was continually working with clients to help them understand their thoughts and feelings. There are distinct differences between the two and I believe that somehow we have allowed the distinction to get lost by failing to take responsibility for our beliefs. That is, so much of pop psychology has taught us that we are entitled to our feelings. Therefore, it is not a gigantic leap for us to believe that if we label everything as a feeling, then we don't have to take responsibility for any of our thinking.

Feelings represent emotions such as happy, sad, angry, fear, and joy. Feelings are not represented by conclusions that involve cognitive processes such as reasoning. Saying, "I just feel like he would make a good president," is nonsense and a total failure to take responsibility. I believe people that say things like that are afraid to say what they think and be accountable for their thinking. It is so much easier to say, "I feel," but it is wrong.

If you want to move forward in your life, stop hiding behind the words you use and take responsibility for your own thoughts. Learning to separate your thoughts and feeling will help you to integrate your life and more effectively deal with both. When you're happy or sad, please say, I feel happy or sad, but when you have a thought, say, I believe, or I think and you will be more honest with yourself and everyone else. You may also learn to edit your thoughts before they are verbalized and become a more effective communicator. I challenge you to give it a trial run.