Morning After

In the book I am writing about the Judas Spirit and its role in betrayal in the office setting, I include a chapter that has a working title of "The Morning After." Essentially it looks at the ramifications that acts of betrayal have on all of those concerned. The research that I have done on this subject has shown me that the consequences of betrayal typically approximate the magnitude of the act. The greater the impact on the betrayed the greater the impact on all those around.

I liken this effect to the scene in the movie "Apocalypse Now," where Robert Duval's character says that he loves the smell of napalm in the morning. He goes on to say that, "it smells like victory." Anyone who lived through the Viet Nam War era knows a little about napalm, particularly the fact that its devastating effects are not limited to those who are targeted. So is the case with betrayal.

Last week, I had no further to look for an example of this than the Las Vegas Sun which ran a story about Mary Kay Peck the former city manager for Henderson being fired. While the comments that followed the article varied with some wanting to grant the woman sainthood and others wanting her burned at the stake, one thing was apparent, at least to those of us who have worked with her. Her demise was an example of one reaping what she had sown. On a minor scale, I had been the victim of her treachery so I have first hand experience of her m.o. Others who had been more recently victimized by her backstabbing spoke out and went to the people that could do something about it. Mary Kay paid the ultimate workplace price with a public beheading. What she had done to others came full circle back to her.

Having moved on from the City of Henderson many years ago, I had already forgiven her for what she had done to me. However, I took comfort knowing that God is a God of justice and what we do to others He will do to us. God in His mercy forgives and yet He also allows us to suffer the consequences of our sins. So is the case with Ms. Peck.

The lessons from observing this case emphasize the hurt and the widespread effects of those who practice betrayal. They also serve to drive my desires to finish my book so I can play a role in helping those hurt by betrayal learn to forgive and move on.

If you have a story about betrayal in the workplace that you would like to have considered for inclusion in the book, I would love to read it. Please email it to me at betrayalintheoffice@yahoo.com.

Don't Sell Yourself

Every time I hear one of the self-proclaimed human resources experts tell job seekers to sell themselves I cringe. Not to be crass, but the only people who truly sell themselves are prostitutes. In training that I provide to job applicants, I tell them that if they have to sell themselves, they are pushing the wrong product.

Nobody likes to be sold anything; they want to buy the things they need and want being sure to get the best values for their dollar. As wise consumers, we want to feel that we make good purchases. I have never heard anyone boast about how they fell for a snazzy sales pitch. Usually, such confessions are shared with a sense of embarrassment and a large dose of buyer’s remorse.

Similarly, as a purchaser of services from employees, I am tasked with making wise selections. The last thing I want to do is get fooled by someone passing themselves off to be something they are not. Hiring the wrong employee is expensive and draining to an employer’s resources leading to the worst type of buyer’s remorse.

Wise consumers do their research and make intelligent choices among the options they are provided. In the same manner, human resources professionals must make the best use of the most effective tools available to make intelligent choices among the applicants available. That includes maximizing the utility of the interview process.

Skillful interviewers are responsible for making positive matches between what applicants have to offer in terms of knowledge, skills, and abilities and those required in the job. Since good interviewers know the limitations of the interview process and that applicants are doing their best to represent themselves in the most positive light, they guard against being unduly influenced by glitzy pitches. A basic tenet of human resources work known among professionals is that any possible issues with a candidate identified in an interview will be magnified on the job.

Professionals want to hire hard working, well-qualified applicants who demonstrate a willingness to learn along with a willingness to accept direction and correction and get along with coworkers. These are the things that a job applicant needs to demonstrate in a job interview and they cannot be faked.

Products with good reputations are purchased for their quality. Weak products with poor reputations have to be pushed, or sold to unwary, unsuspecting, unprepared buyers. Good interviewers are not unwary, unsuspecting, or unprepared, so don’t try to sell them. Do a good job of assessing your qualifications and a realistic comparison of those qualifications to the job requirements and demonstrate that match in your application. Then when you get an interview, you don’t have to sell anything, you just continue to demonstrate how you match up with what the employer needs.

Submitting to Authority

As Christians, we know that we are supposed to submit to the authority of God, our Savior, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit. We all seem to have our own level of struggles in this type of submission. God’s word also tells us we are supposed to other types of authority also as pointed out in:
Romans 13:1
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.
1 Peter 2:13
Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority,
My observations tell me that many of us have even more difficulties submitting to these other types of authority. This seems to be particularly true when it comes to observing traffic laws. My drive to church every Sunday reminds me how many self-proclaimed Christians don’t submit to the governing authorities who set the speed limits. I have yet to be passed by anyone going to our church, but since there are so many churches in the neighborhood, it is not uncommon to witness blatant rebellion toward traffic laws.
I can identify who these “self-proclaimed” Christians are because their vehicles are typically loaded with graphics of children praying at the cross in their rear windows, fish on their rear hatches, “God is my copilot” bumper stickers and personalized plates that proclaim things like “#1blvr.” I can’t help but wonder as these people go flying by me if they have ever read the bible. I wonder if they every think about how their blatant rebellion is standing up for God or what kind of witness they are.
I’m not a fan of bumper stickers and vanity plates to begin with, but when they are combined with blatant disregard for the very things the God they are identifying with disliked, I find them downright blasphemous.
Thank God for his grace, I need it as much as these people do for I fall short every day. I just try not to make a spectacle of myself while I’m doing it. I believe if we are going to stand up for God, and we all should strive for that, we should strive for it humbly and not do what we can to bring attention to ourselves as we disregard his teachings.
I think the most amazing disregard for Christian love I experienced was when I passed a vehicle loaded down with Jesus paraphernalia after going over Hoover Dam. Having traveled the road between the dam and Boulder City many times, I am very familiar with it. I am well accustomed to the hills and the turns. I am not awed by the sites having stood and studied them for hours at a time over the course of my years as a Nevada resident. So on one particular return trip from Arizona; I took advantage of my knowledge of the road to go pass a slow moving tourist who promptly flipped me the finger. I didn’t speed to go around him and I used the passing lane. I guess he just didn’t like someone going faster than he was. The paraphernalia didn’t hold him back from displaying that anger. Sadly, he has no idea who I am or who I stand up for.
That’s the critical point, we never know who is watching us, but one thing is for certain, we do know that God always is.

Judas Project

Have you experienced betrayal in the workplace? Would you like to tell your story? Then I would like to hear from you. Please email your story to betrayalintheoffice@yahoo.com.

I am writing a book on betrayal in the work place and I want to include personal stories to help those who have experienced betrayal share what happened to them the ramifications of the betrayal both to the betrayed and the betrayer and how as the betrayed they were able to move on. The goals for the project include helping all of us learn from each others' experiences and help prevent/eradicate betrayal in the office.

Interpersonal interactions in the office place have frequently been labeled "office politics," and are often characterized as unavoidable. I don't accept this premise. Any time we have human beings interacting, we have interpersonal relationships and should think of them as such and work to have the most positive interpersonal relationships we can as opposed to painting them with the same negative connotations often associated with the ugliness that occurs in the political arena.

Within the interpersonal interactions within the office, the very worst act is that of betraying a confidence. The very worst outcome of betrayal is a worker losing a job as a result of being betrayed. Note that we are not discussing whistle blowing or actions to bring to light a fellow employee's illegal acts. We are talking about sharing hurtful personal information with the intent of showing flaws in an individual's character that can lead management to see that individual in a negative light.

While my research suggests that persons betrayed may have made errors in judgment that put them in a vulnerable spot, many of those who paid the price for sharing personal information, which resulted in a range of negative job actions, would not have received any negative job actions without their own personal Judas betraying them.

So while we should always and be judicious in what we share about ourselves, we should not have to be worried about coworkers gathering information to use against us. I believe that the work I am doing on the Judas project can assist in making the workplace a kinder, gentler, environment for all of us. While I don't advocate complete transparency and free talk, I do believe we need to work in safe environments where a reasonable amount of personal disclosure enhances our interpersonal relationships and does not provide ammunition for the gun aimed at our back.

I would appreciate receiving your comments and your story at betrayalintheoffice@yahoo.com.

God Bless

Can't Versus Won't

If you want to empower your life, one of the things you can do is look at the words you use. Words have power and they impact our thoughts and feelings. That old nursery rhyme we were taught about sticks and stones breaking our bones but names not hurting us is nonsense. A simple example of the power and emotions associated with words involves replacing the word can’t with the word won’t.

Using the word can’t seems to make people believe they are absolved from taking responsibility for their actions. For example, I often hear people say things like, “I can’t stop thinking about her,” or “I just can’t control my appetite.” It is more accurate and more empowering to say, “I won’t stop thinking about her,” and “I won’t control my appetite.”

The new wording tells us that we are in control and at choice. Being in control and at choice comes with responsibility. I believe that is what people are running from when they use the word can’t. Want to put words to work for you and have a better life? Try replacing can’t with won’t. Then, if you won’t do something at least you know you are making a choice and you can take responsibility for that choice. Continuing to think in terms of won't versus can't may also lead to you finding that you can change if you want to since now you know you it is your decision and you are not powerless.

Opportunity Boulevard - Career Fair

If you are looking for a job in southern Nevada, you have to check out Recruiting Nevada and attend one of the career fairs put on by Doug Geinzer and Opportunity Boulevard. Recently I had the privilege of representing the State of Nevada at an Opportunity Boulevard career fair and I was truly impressed. With over twenty-five years of human resources experience, I have had the opportunity to represent my employers at numerous career fairs. I also worked with two very energetic police officers I supervised at the LVMPD to establish the Southern Nevada Public Safety Career Fair and Exposition, which featured all of the public safety agencies in Nevada.

With all of that experience, I can honestly say that I have never attended a better run fair than Opportunity Boulevard. They did it right providing the best possible experience for applicants and presenters. In particular, Opportunity Boulevard staff provided tremendous support, amble set up time, lunch, bottled water, break out rooms for interviews, advertising, copy machines, and great applicants. In addition, they provided presenters with a bag of career fair survival tools, which included mints and hand sanitizer, two essentials for any career fair.

After the event, Opportunity Boulevard hosted a social event for employers that provided valuable time to network with other recruiters and share valuable information.

Backstabbing At Work

I originally posted this article on another website and the response to it has led me to write a book on backstabbing/betrayal in the workplace. Watch this site for more details about the book and how you can contribute your story, if you have one, about how you were betrayed in the work place.

While I discuss office politics in this article, I find the term derogatory and prefer to think of the interpersonal interactions between people in the workplace as just that, interpersonal interactions. This helps me avoid ascribing negative connotations often associated with politics to those interactions we all experience in the workplace.

Office Politics – The Age Old Art of Backstabbing

The O’Jays warned us in their song “The Backstabbers,” they sang, “beware the backstabbers they smile in your face, and all the while they want to be in your place.” Obviously, they or a member of their group had experienced the devastating effects of backstabbing and felt strongly enough about the experience to write and sing about it. Backstabbing or betrayal has been with us since biblical times, at least, and is particularly well documented in Judas’s betrayal of Jesus. Judas learned his lesson and paid a heavy price for his indiscretion. Jesus’ words indicate the magnitude of this sin and suggest that Judas may still be paying for his betrayal, for He said, “it would be better for that man if he had never been born.”

Jesus forgave Judas and in so doing gave us the example of the type of forgiveness we are to have also. In addition, He demonstrated the anguish associated with the sting of betrayal. The lesson is the victim forgives and the backstabber carries the pain. Both parties move on with their lives and careers, but the damage to both is done and very often cannot be undone.

Having been the unwitting victim of backstabbing, I have made an effort to study this phenomenon and the role it plays in undoing managers and other executives. Most individuals who have lost jobs, been passed over for promotion, had their reputations sullied, or who have just been hurt in the workplace as a result of back stabbing were shocked, as I was, to find out that the betrayer was a personal friend and confidant. Further, the anecdotal information I have collected in my research suggests that many of the job actions taken against the victims would not have occurred if they had not been betrayed.

That is to say that even though, some of these individuals had committed political blunders in their work environment, they would not have led to their undoing without the aid of a Judas working behind the scenes. Similar to Julius Caesar’s fate, they were murdered; they did not commit suicide and would have survived their minor blunders had they not been stabbed repeatedly.

It is difficult to identify all the motivators that encourage someone to become a backstabber. Perpetrator profiles are numerous and varied. Sometimes they are motivated out of ambition; sometimes they believe their tattling about information shared with them in private will somehow benefit the victim if made known to supervisors. Some perpetrators are hungry for power and some are hurt or jealous. Whatever the motivators, there is never a good reason and ultimately the perpetrator and the victim both suffer.

So other than admonishing those would be backstabbers against the horrors of this truly ugly work place sin and the ravages it causes for all those involved, the question is what can be done to eliminate this workplace crime. Each individual in a work setting must guard against being on either or both sides of betrayal. That is we must consciously avoid being betrayed or a betrayer.

Neither of these are necessarily easy. Our desire for friendship and our felt need to vent often put us in the position of wanting to share information best kept to ourselves. Additionally our selfish desires for power, getting even, teaching people a lesson, wanting things our own way and on and on lead us toward indiscretion. So first of all we must learn to be friendly in the workplace and set boundaries. Not everything needs to be shared and a great deal should not be. In one of his Psalms, David said, “Set a guard O Lord, before my mouth, keep watch at the door of my lips.” It would be good for all those that wish to avoid being betrayed to make this our continual prayer. Similarly, it is good to edit what we have to say.

It may not be comfortable to question ourselves regarding every word that comes out of our mouths but it is important to ask questions like: Do I want everyone to know this about me? How might my supervisor view this? Could someone use this against me? Is sharing this going to have a positive impact on my reputation? Is this really something people should know? If we learn to edit what we say and we keep our personal lives personal we help eliminate one side of the betrayal paradigm.

All of us must also come against those temptations we have to be the betrayer. We must realize that there is no such thing as harmless gossip and everything we pass on can come to hurt us as well as the person we are talking about. Unless a person is just plain evil and delights in hurting himself and others, thinking about what damage could be done by spreading rumors and betraying confidences should be enough to curb this type of behavior. While some to the sayings may be trite, it is good to remember that what goes around comes around. In my limited research, I did find several instances where efforts made by subordinates to intentionally unseat superiors backfired and resulted in their own terminations. So if you are not one of those individuals motivated by doing the right thing remember the fate of those who played the Judas role and Judas’s own remorse that caused him to hang himself.

Office politics may always be with us, but life can be better for all of us if we work at limiting our conversations both in what we share about ourselves and what we share about others. Information shared in confidence should be kept in confidence and if you are about to tell someone something you have to preface with, “don’t tell anyone, but”…stop. If someone prefaces what he or she is going to tell you with, “I probably shouldn’t tell you this but,” tell him or her, “then don’t tell me.” If someone starts complaining to you about a coworker to you, tell him or her to stop until you have a chance to invite the coworker in so he or she can provide his or her side of the story. It may not be easy or comfortable at first, but you will find that you don’t get drug into situations you don’t want to be in. Ultimately you will gain the respect of your coworkers. Truly the work life you save could be your own.